You were wrong, Sasha, I do love you as a man
by anagori
Summary: I was disappointed at how the "Edge of the Worlds" episode ended – personally I thought the Payson-Sasha storyline was fantastic! Here's my version of the events after Sasha left. Your comments are very welcome and if you like it I'll continue to write.
1. Chapter 1

It was weird being back at the Rock – the Rock without Sasha. It was like life had gone back a year. After much deliberation and opposition from Ellen Beals Dmitri Beloff was appointed new coach at the Rock. It was a bit of a consolation, but all Payson could think of and want was Sasha, Sasha, Sasha! And what made things worse – even though Sasha was not much like Dmitri in appearance, some of Dmitri's mimics and gestures were exactly the same as Sasha's. And every time Payson saw one of those she felt a pang sadness and pain. It was weird to even call Dmitri – coach Beloff – knowing that it would be the wrong Beloff who answered.

A month had passed. The team competed at an invitational where Payson won. But the joy was marred by Sasha's absence and total silence. He hadn't called her once in that month or let her know how he was any other way. Or asked about her. She wondered if he had even watched that invitational? If he even knew she had won? Seen how she had beaten a bunch of serious competitors? In what great shape she was? And all of that was his doing. Even though Sasha didn't seem to think about her at all Payson thought about him constantly. It was him she pictured during her floor routine at the invitational, it was Sasha she performed for, it was due to him the judges almost cried when her routine was over – so strong was the emotion behind it. Her Romeo had a face now – Sasha's face.

It took Payson a month to work up enough courage to call Sasha himself. She would have tried calling him immediately after he left if it wasn't for her feelings. When she learned he had left it hit her immediately – Sasha was never and would never be just her coach. And she'd never be able to talk to him as to just her coach again.

She kept mulling over his story about his "love" for his coach in England. And how Sasha thought her love for him was just the same. But now the more she remembered every detail of the kiss, every feeling behind it the more she knew – Sasha was completely and totally wrong. About her feelings at least. What his feeling were she was afraid to think of.

Nobody seemed to notice what was going on in Payson's head. Her mom and dad were tender, supportive and not inquisitive, giving her space, but obviously not realizing what they were giving her space for. Kaylie was still in the hospital – the time the committee had given her to get well had almost run out and she had other things on her mind than Payson's condition when Payson visited. Lauren was pissed off Payson had beaten everyone including her at the invitational and close with Summer more than ever. Payson could no longer be in the same room with Summer anymore. She kept thinking of the night she brought Sasha some food and found Summer there all cozy. Payson didn't allow herself to think how that evening ended – and it was another point against calling Sasha herself. Summer was with Steve Tanner again, but still Payson could not get rid of her jealousy.

Emily just thought the controlled focused Payson was back, besides she had a lot to deal with even after they let her out of jail. She never wanted to talk about that or the trial. Besides she was still waiting for the reply from the gymnastics committee on what the punishment was going to be.

The rest of the boys and girls started to forget the whole Sasha kiss story and didn't pay much attention to Payson. It was just Dmitri who realized something was off. Sometimes when she met his shrewd gaze she wondered what Sasha had told him about her.

A month was it. Payson felt she could no longer do anything without talking to Sasha even briefly. With trembling hands she found his number on the mobile and pressed call. Her heart was beating wildly, blood rushed into her head. She had no idea what she would say – she just needed to hear Sasha's voice. But Sasha's phone was turned off. Another blow. But there was a plan B.

That day she was the last one left in the gym. Dmitri dismissed her and was ready to leave when she said: "Coach Beloff? Could I talk to you for a minute?"

Dmitri turned around and gave Payson another one of those shrewd looks. Payson felt her heart pounding in her ears as she continued: "I was just wondering if you have talked to Sasha lately? It's been a long time."

"I have, my darling." – Dmitry said, smiling – "I am sure he would have given me a message for you or even called you himself if he wasn't so busy beating himself up with guilt over Kaylie's condition and that unfortunate incident with you."

Payson felt the flush creeping up her cheeks. "But I thought we had talked that kiss through. It was just a stupid crush. Coach Beloff, I need to talk to Sasha. My floor routine and the rest of my program was Sasha's idea – I just want to ask him things now and then, or get his opinion on what I'm doing right or wrong." – all Payson could hope for was that the flush wasn't showing too much on her face. – "I don't mean to say you're a bad coach, no!" – she added hastily, - "It's just Sasha was with me through the worst time of my life, he virtually put me back together and remade me as an athlete. It's only thanks to him that I'm an artistic gymnast now – a few months ago I couldn't have imagined it in my wildest dreams! And sometimes I just need Sasha to tell me I'm still on the right path with this."

"Didn't the last invitational convince you you are the best?" – Dmitri smiled. – "But I know what you mean. And I think my son needs to talk to you. This running away, this guilt – he needs to learn he's not god and cannot control it all!" – Dmitri chuckled. – "Sasha needs to remember what he knew so well when he was competing himself – you cannot take responsibility for everyone and everything. And you can't leave everything you've worked for and run away after something bad happens – even if you think it's your fault – then you must stay and correct it. I think you can teach him that, Payson."

"Me?" – Payson said incredulously.

"Yes, you, my darling."- Dmitri winked. – "I understand your father is working in Minnesota?"

"Yes!" – Payson answered, not understanding what Dmitri was getting at.

"Then for the past two weeks Sasha was not far from him. I'll write down the directions for you."

Payson's heart was hammering in her chest. She didn't know how yet but she was going to see Sasha very soon.

"Mom, I was wondering…" – Payson started after breakfast. – "Dad was so busy at work the past couple of weeks, he couldn't even come to see us. I know he said it will be over soon and he'll come for a week, but in the meanwhile could I go to see him?" – though Payson never believed in childish superstitions she crossed her fingers under the table.

Kim turned to face Payson, surprised. "But you have just one day off a week – how are you going to make it?"

"I'm getting two days off this week. Coach Beloff said I'm going to train very hard – it's part of my pre-worlds training schedule – so this week I'll need to rest more." – Payson hated lying to her mom. So this was not exactly a lie. She did train harder than ever, but an extra day off didn't have anything to do with that. When she got the directions from Dmitri she asked him straight away if she could have Saturday off as well as Sunday, which was a day off for everyone. Payson still couldn't understand what Dmitri thought she could say to Sasha to make him feel better all of a sudden, but Dmitri seemed to think she needed to go. He was sure an extra day off and a flight won't hurt her and payson wanted desperately to believe him.

"Well, if that is the case…" – Kim was still puzzled. – "But if you're training harder shouldn't you use that extra day off for what you're supposed to use it – rest? And not for flying through half the country?"

"It's not half the country, mom, come on! Dad used to do it nearly every weekend, and he's fine!"

"But your dad is not an elite gymnast!"

"But I miss him and I could really use the support right now! After everything that had happened recently! I just need to see dad and get away from it all for a couple of days! Please, mom, please, please!"

"Oh, ok! I'll talk to your dad and tell you what we decide."

"Thanks!" – Payson grabbed her gym bag and kissed Kim on the cheek. – "You're the best!"

Kim smiled. "I haven't said yes yet. I just said I'll discuss it with your dad."

That day was a blur to Payson. Emily looked sad and tired – she had to train twice as hard just like Payson and Lauren, but she had to work at night as well. Lauren was, well, Lauren. But Payson didn't listen to a word she said that day. All she could think about was that if her mom wouldn't let her go see dad in Minnesota she would still go see Sasha. She didn't know how yet, but now she knew where he was, she just had to go. She had to tell him he was wrong. She had to tell him she loved him not just as a coach. She had to know if he ever could love her back the same way. She might even try to kiss him again – if she saw there was a sparkle of feeling for her in him – a feeling that he might have for her as a man, not as a coach. At a mere thought of that her head reeled and her hands trembled. When she remembered how his lips felt on hers she felt hot and cold. If only she could do it again, properly this time, and if he wouldn't push her away. If only… But Dmitri Beloff called her, getting her out of her reverie. Sasha was in everything Payson did in the gym these days and it didn't even feel like she was distracting from her train of thought – she just had to do a different Sasha thing now, a vault Sasha taught her.

The plane landed without delay. Payson shifted uncomfortably in her seat waiting to be let out. She loved her dad and in a different situation would have wanted to spend every minute with him, but this weekend someone else was more important. She had seen her dad a couple of weeks ago and he _was_ her dad, he would never go away, but Sasha – she hadn't seen him for a month and it killed her. And now, being so close to him she just wanted to run from the airport straight to where Sasha was.

Everything fit perfectly. Payson's dad took half of the day off and Payson told her parents she would meet some childhood friends for the other half of the day. She did call them and arranged to meet them – late in the evening, so again it wasn't exactly a lie. She hated having to tell this half lie at all – but somehow she felt it would take a lot of explaining to make her parents understand if she told the truth and she wasn't sure they'd understand even then.

Payson tried hard to concentrate on her dad in the morning and afternoon and not to seem absent-minded. It seemed to work, though her thoughts kept slipping to Sasha and then her whole body would start to ache with the desire to run to him. But she waited and waited and hours seemed to drag on forever. Then all of a sudden it was afternoon and her dad was kissing her goodbye and going off to work. The minute the door closed after her dad Payson ran upstairs. She spent two hours the day before debating with herself what to put on, rehearsing her makeup. Somehow it never mattered much before what she was wearing – but she was never in love before. And she never flew anywhere to tell a man she loved him and ask if _he_ loved her.

Payson got lucky – the bus was there when she arrived at the bus station. In half an hour she was already walking up a shady path – Sasha had chosen a secluded and picturesque spot to put his trailer. Secluded was perfect for Payson's purposes, though with every step her courage was waning and her heart was hammering faster and faster – it seemed to Payson that even at the world trials that were the peak of her career as a gymnast her heart never raced like that.

And there it was. The door of the trailer was locked. Payson knocked several times, then called Sasha's name but nobody answered. Crushed, Payson sat in the shade of a giant tree by the trailer. A tear ran out of the corner of her eye, then another. She only had three hours and he wasn't there. She had rehearsed every word, every move a thousand times and _he wasn't there_! What if he had gone for the day? What if he'd only come back tomorrow? What if after coming all this way she would miss him?

Minutes went by as Payson cried silently sitting with her back to the trunk of the tree. She felt tired now from the nerves and the long road. Finally she cried herself to sleep.

"Payson…" – a soft voice said tenderly. A gentle hand brushed a strand of hair from Payson's face, stroking her cheek in the process. Payson's eyes flew open. Sasha's bewildered but happy face was inches from hers. "How on earth did you get here? And fell asleep _here_, by my doorstep! My poor tired girl! How? Why? Though you can't imagine how glad I am to see you! It seemed so right to leave after the world trials but why have I been so miserable the whole time after I did it? I missed you and the girls like crazy! I watched and recorded the invitational – I wanted to call you but I couldn't decide if I should. You did so well and yet you could do so much more! If only I could trust myself again to coach you!" He wanted to say something else, but Payson's lips sealed his mouth shut.

Sasha froze for a second and Payson's heart sank. Would he push her away again? Her arms wrapped around him, one of her arms found the back of his neck and stroked his hair. And then suddenly Sasha's arms were around her, holding her close to his body. His lips were urgent yet gentle, his tongue brushed hers and then caressed her inner lip as if tasting her. His hands travelled to her face and held it to his like he wanted to stop her from escaping – as if Payson wanted to escape! Her lips fit his perfectly and moved with amazing synchronization. Payson didn't have much kissing experience – she wasn't Kaylie who dated Carter for a year or Lauren who had slept with Carter – both her fellow gymnasts had all the practice in the world to learn to do it right compared to Payson. But at that moment with Sasha everything was perfect. Electric currents ran through both their bodies and Payson couldn't imagine how she could ever break away from him. Sasha's mind was torn between the girl in his arms, who acted with a desperation of a grown woman, and the voice of reason, partly silenced by the sweetness of the moment. Finally he broke away and started kissing her cheeks, her forehead, her eyes, saying "Payson, I'm so sorry! I lost control! After all of my rules forbidding dating! After leaving you all! I'm such a fool! Payson, I'm sorry!" Sasha stopped and was silent. He still held Payson's face in his hands, but now he was looking at her – amazed and horrified. But all Payson could see was the yearning that was also in his eyes – what she came there for.


	2. Chapter 2

Finally got back to a place with internet Thanks for your reviews, guys, here's some more! Sorry if the formatting is weird again – can't figure it out.

"No! Don't say that!" – Payson cried, her heart sinking.

"Payson, I can't! You're a minor and I'm 35 years old – I could have a daughter your age! I'm not your coach anymore – but you're an elite gymnast! Even if I was your age – this just shouldn't be happening!"

"So you could never love me as a woman? You will always see me as just your former gymnast and nothing else?" – tears were brimming in Payson's eyes. With every new word Sasha was crushing her hopes to pieces.

Sasha closed his eyes. He could hardly control himself. All he wanted was take her into his arms and tell her how he couldn't force himself to go home to Cambria, because that would have been admitting that it was over. How he had driven to Minessota – he hadn't planned it, but when he chose his directions, he kept getting closer to Payson's former home town. He was trying desperately to do the right thing, to never meddle in the girls' lives again, at least not until after the Olympics – but with every passing day being apart from them, from Payson, became more and more unbearable. And now that he finally saw her he obviously lost his mind.

And how had he missed this? How could he ever have told Kim he thought Payson was uncomfortable with her femininity? She was too comfortable with it now! Here she was, a stunning graceful young woman. Her pale pink dress was not close fitting, but somehow it showed off every curve of her body – and they were womanly curves. She didn't wear much make up – just enough to accentuate her beautiful eyes and full lips. The teenage girl he started coaching just a year ago was gone. This was still his Payson and yet it was a stranger – a stranger Sasha couldn't stop thinking about for the past month. The stranger who paralyzed his self-control as soon as her lips touched his.

Payson was right, he suddenly thought. He was deceiving himself when he asked Summer out. He was deceiving himself when he first kissed Summer. When he bought the Bible to try to understand her way of life. When he told Summer he loved her. When he stopped her, when she was undressing him in his van. He stopped her because deep down he knew – he was lonely, and Summer was someone he unconsciously used to fill the hole. Someone, he deceived himself into thinking, was right for him. And all the while, deep deep down he kept thinking about Payson.

The discovery was like a blow. Sasha couldn't breathe for a few seconds.

Payson was the most important person to him – now he could openly admit it to himself. That's why his feelings and his pain didn't matter. He had to set it right and try to hurt her as little as possible.

"Payson, you will never be just my former gymnast. You're the most talented, the strongest, the most beautiful girl I've ever coached. Even if I live another fifty years, not for a moment will I forget you or stop thinking about you and wishing you're happy and successful in whatever you're doing."

Payson's eyes were huge and full of hurt. Tears were nearly spilling out. Sasha couldn't stand it.

"Payson, I don't know what would have happened if you were eighteen now and the Olympics were behind us. Look at yourself! What man in his right mind would say he could never love you? But things are as they are. I can't _allow_ myself to love you! As much as I want to, you know I can't."

I do love you, don't you see? Sasha added to himself bitterly. And Payson saw. Joy lit her face. She moved as if to embrace Sasha, but checked herself and bit her lip.

"And I can't come back!" – Sasha continued desperately, while he could still say all that. – "I want to more than anything in the world – but I can't! If anything else happens to one of you because of me, especially if I hurt _you_, I don't know what I'll do! So please, don't bring it up again. It takes all of my self control to stay away from you – in all senses."

"I won't bring it up again, I swear." – Payson's joy was fading, but it was still there. – "Not until after the Olympics! If after the Olympics we decide we have a chance…" – Payson broke off.

"But you have to promise me something!" – she added hastily. – "Promise you'll call me from time to time! And come see me at the competitions! I need you, Sasha!" – Payson continued heatedly. – "You brought me back when nobody else believed it was possible! You made me what I am now – an artistic gymnast – when even _I_ didn't believe I could do it! My parents love me and they supported me every step of the way, but even they gave up on my gymnastics at some point! And you didn't! You were there and I got used to it! I just feel I can't do it without you anymore! I need your advice or just hearing your voice! I need to know you're there for me when I'm competing!"

Tears were streaming down Payson's cheeks. Sasha gave up. He rushed forward and embraced her.

"I promise. I cannot kiss you again, I shouldn't even be holding you right now. But I promise I will be there for you when you need me. I cannot coach you anymore, but I won't run and hide. I'll be there."

Payson was crying. If only this embrace could last forever…

The way back to town was a blur. They talked for another couple of hours, maybe more – Payson lost track of time. She told Sasha about everything that had happen after he left, and he told her how he ended up in Minessota. It was Sasha who reminded her after some time that it was late and she had to get back home. Payson didn't recognize herself that day – she had never let her emotions rule her behavior, but that day nothing mattered but Sasha and nothing could distract her from Sasha. Payson promised herself to pull herself together in the morning and sincerely hoped it would work. But for now she was in Sasha's car and he was driving her back to town. And even though he said he won't kiss her again, when Payson met his eyes it didn't matter. Sasha loved her, she knew it for sure.

It was late evening when Sasha dropped Payson off at her dad's house. She walked away from the car without looking back. Payson opened the door silently, took two steps and bumped right into her father, who came out of the kitchen. Mark's face was troubled and angry.

"Amanda called, Payson. Your friends waited for you at the cafe for over an hour. Amanda said you wouldn't answer your cell. After several attempts to reach you she called here. What have you to say to that?"


	3. Chapter 3

So here's another chapter for you! Just a short one, but more is coming in a couple of days. And I would be so grateful to get some reviews! Thank you.

Payson felt blood rushing to her cheeks as she desperately tried to figure out what to say. Lie? She was a terrible liar, besides this was her dad! She never lied to her mom and dad! She did once about the cortisone and a couple of times in childhood about silly little things, but she felt such remorse afterwards… Besides, even if she could force herself to lie, she needed a plausible story in the matter of seconds. No, she couldn't lie. Tell the truth? No way. She cringed inwardly at what her dad would have said and done had he learned the truth. A half lie? She read somewhere that the best way to lie was to tell 90% truth and 10% lie…

Mark watched his daughter with a growing fear. His Payson was a composed, responsible girl. He couldn't imagine what on earth could make her forget about her friends like that and not even call. And now she was going red like she'd done something embarrassing. Mark's eyes narrowed. They had never had any trouble with Payson – not as s kid, nor as a teenager – what was going on?

Finally, Payson spoke. "Dad, remember when, ummm … that incident with Sasha happened you were really mad at him? And then when we talked, I tried to explain what Sasha was to me? How I needed him to coach me to get back on top? "

"Where is this going, Payson? What have you done?" – fear was taking Mark over.

"Nothing bad, daddy, calm down! It's just when I went to catch the bus to get to the guys, I suddenly saw another bus going in the direction of Sasha's home… He went to Minessota when he left Boulder… His dad told me a while ago…" – it sounded lame. Very lame. Payson hoped her face was not showing everything she felt. Sasha said they won't raise the subject of their feelings for each other at least till after the Olympics. But how was she to live with this till the Olympics? Hide it from everyone, her parents most of all? Payson was never too emotional and never had to lie about something big constantly, and she was sure everything would just be written all over her face the next time she saw Sasha. Must be written all over her face now…

"And you just hopped on that bus and forgot to tell everyone you changed your plans for the evening?" – Mark asked incredulously. And then it hit him. "Did you come here to see S_asha_?"

This was it, Payson thought. She was too slow and let her dad guess too much. She had to be convincing now. 90% truth and 10% lie. That's how criminals must feel when caught by the police. Panicky, desperate and with a sinking feeling in the stomach.

"No! At least I didn't plan it!" – horrible, how could she do it again, ever? Lie to her dad's face? – "I decided to go on the spur of the moment! I don't know what came over me!"

"Do you still have a crush on him?" – Mark's was horrified and confused.

Dad is getting too close again. Come on, Payson, say something, quick! – she thought desperately. And it had better be good!

"Of course not, dad! I explained to you already about that! It was just a childish thing, I mistook my respect for Sasha and my admiration for him as an athlete and coach for something else! That is all in the past! And now I'm just afraid. Sasha put me back together, created that amazing floor routine with me – it's because of him that I even have a future in gymnastics! And a great future – if he continues to coach me and help me…" – the last part was the truth and dad must have felt it, Payson thought.

"You thought if you talked to him he might come back?" – Mark was finally helping her.

"Yes! But it didn't quite work… I'm sorry, daddy, I honestly don't know what come over me today. t must be the stress of that last month without Sasha, with a new coach… It just feels like everything I've worked for for the past years, my whole life is falling apart, like after the injury! I need Sasha to come back! Dmitri Beloff is a great coach, but Sasha's the right one for me. He inspires me! I don't know what will happen if he never comes back. I'm doing ok, I did fine at the last invitational, but "fine" will not win me the Olympics!"

Something was wrong. Mark felt it but couldn't quite put his finger on it. He and Payson spent so much time apart these days he didn't feel like he knew her every thought anymore, like he had before, when they were all living together and Payson confided in him. Mark just wished Kim were there for this talk. Or that he could pop out right at that moment to call her and ask her advice. But Payson was troubled, sad and obviously needed his support – the call would have to wait. He had to cope on his own.

"Honey, come here!" – Mark took Payson's hand and led her to the sofa in the living room. – "I know it's been a hard few months for you, but you have to be strong and not lose it. I know how important Sasha is to you, but he had reasons to go and you can't chase him around the country trying to convince him to come back! You're an amazing athlete, you've worked so hard for it – you need to find it in yourself to go on without him!"

Payson was on the brink of tears. She had never cried so much in one day before. But she couldn't help it. Though Sasha did promise to call and visit, it just wasn't enough. And now here her dad was, telling her she had to go on without him.

"You don't understand!" – she cried. She tried to say something else, but broke off into sobbing.

"Oh, sweetie!" – Mark held his daughter close and stroked her hair. – "We'll figure it out. If Sasha is here – I'll talk to him myself. Whatever his reasons for leaving were, they should be nothing if you suffer so much."

Mark put Payson to bed like he did when she was a little girl, and then went back down to pace in the living room. He called Kim and talked to her for an hour. Together they agreed gymnastics was everything for Payson and the teenage crush must have worn off by then. She had suffered so much, Kim said, she shouldn't be deprived of the one coach she trusted in so implicitly! She was ok for the past month without Sasha, but not quite her former self. If only Sasha could come back, Kim continued sadly…

Mark didn't hear Payson come out of her room and sit at the top of the stairs listening to their conversation with her head bent down guiltily. If her father saw her, she just couldn't face him. Continuing to keep her secret, knowing her parents wished to bring back the man they would have wanted to kill, if they knew the truth, was literally killing her.

Finally, Mark hung up with a firm determination to talk to Sasha first thing in the morning. And do whatever it took to convince him to come back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you-thank you-thank you to all those who're reading and reviewing! I'm new to this site and to writing, so I depend a lot on your comments – on whether you like the story or not. Since you seem to like it, I'll proceed and here's another chapter! **

**I'll try to update once more before Christmas, but in case I don't get a chance to – merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone! **** Hope you have nice holidays!**

Sasha couldn't fall asleep. He kept tossing and turning in his bed, trying without success to banish thoughts about Payson from his head. He gave up at one point and got up. He opened the door and walked across the lawn to the tree he found Payson under earlier.

Whatever his newly discovered feelings for Payson were, he was still almost ten years older than her. Were she eighteen – it might have been different. As it was, Sasha felt a little like Nabokov's Humbert, who was chasing after underage Lolita. Although Payson was older than Lolita and had already been through a lot for her sixteen years and was in many ways more mature than an average sixteen-year-old, she was still just that – a sixteen-year-old teenager. The idea that a young girl would wait one and a half years to start a relationship with a grown man instead of a boy her own age was crazy. What was even more crazy – the idea that a thirty-five year old man would wait for a minor to come of age to start a relationship with _her_. Sasha laughed quietly and sadly – he was no Romeo.

He'd had his share of women. It all started with a girl on the Romanian team – but barely a few weeks into the relationship she became a nuisance, because she wanted to be with him all the time and started to care less and less about gymnastics. That relationship ended quickly. Then there was MJ. Then a few English girls, then a few more Romanian girls, when he came back there to coach. Then he moved to the US. Sasha tried to remember all their names. Did any of them really mean anything in his life? Not exactly, he admitted bitterly. And then there was Summer. The amazing, sweet, sexy Summer. A woman who stuck to her principles. Who nearly broke them for him. If Sasha wanted to settle down and have kids – Summer would have been a perfect choice. An excellent wife, a great mother – but … he never loved her. Somehow Sasha knew Summer could not be more to him than a companion. She could never be a beloved soul mate. For one simple reason – his one great love was gymnastics, and no woman, not even the perfect Summer, could gain even a part of its place it in his heart.

No woman – except Payson? Sometimes Sasha was startled how much Payson resembled himself when he was young. Just as strong, determined, outwardly confident, focused, with her own unique style and most of all – with all-consuming love for gymnastics. For the past year he had been molding her, so she started to resemble him even more. And, surprising as it might seem to the onlookers, he had a lot to learn from Payson. For one thing, Payson never gave up and never ran – she met head on whatever life threw at her. That Sasha didn't have outside of gymnastics. But he was gradually coming to it.

Maybe it wasn't love he felt for Payson after all? Maybe it was that Payson was the first person who lived and breathed gymnastics just like him? A soul mate he'd been looking for for so long?

Sasha groaned inwardly. A soul mate in a sixteen-year-old he hurt badly when he left right before the Worlds and the Olympics? And worse than that – let her fall in love with him?

But if it wasn't love – then why couldn't he get her out of his head?

It was nearly dawn when Sasha finally fell asleep. So it didn't register with him at first when his cell rang at noon. He rubbed his eyes and tried to figure out where the sound was coming from. It took him a few more seconds to shake off the remnants of sleep. And then the events of the day before flooded his mind. The cell was still ringing. _It might be Payson! She's still in town! _– Sasha jumped off the bed and answered his cell without looking at it.

"Sasha?" – said the tearful voice of Summer Van Horne.

"Summer?" – they hadn't talked since that night at his van. He never called and neither did she.

"Am I disturbing you? I know it's been a month and you probably don't want to talk to me…" – Summer's voice broke at that.

"No, no, of course I do! Are you ok? You sound upset!"

"I just need to talk to somebody and I don't have any friends in Boulder I could talk about this to…" – Summer sobbed. – "It ended awkward that last time we saw each other… And then you left … And haven't called ever since. So if you don't want to talk to me it's fine."

"I'm sorry, I left like that, Summer. I thought I had good reasons and they had nothing to do with you. And I'm sorry I never called – I had a lot on my mind. But what happened?"

"Are you anywhere near Boulder? Can we meet?" Summer's voice was pleading and hopeful.

"Sorry, I'm not. But you can tell me everything on the phone."

Summer sighed sadly. "I had a huge fight with Lauren. I don't know what to do now!"

"Lauren? So you're back together with Steve?" Surprisingly, Sasha didn't feel anything at all. Not a hint of jealousy or regret. He was merely concerned that she was so upset and curious as to what Lauren had done this time. He had formed his opinion about the girl from the start and tried to ignore her unpleasant personality traits and concentrate on her talent for gymnastics instead.

"No, no! After certain things Steve did – I want be friends with him, I promised to be there for Lauren, but I don't think I'll ever date him again. When you left I was confused and thought I could, but I was wrong… I'm still trying to look out for Lauren, though. And Steve stumbled on a video camera disk yesterday in Lauren's room. But Lauren never used her video camera in the past few months. And knowing Lauren he suspected it might be that unfortunate recording – you know, the one with Payson…" Summer faltered.

Sasha grimaced. "Knowing Lauren, I believe it was?"

"Yes. Steve told me about it. He wasn't sure how to talk to Lauren – she's been so stressed out lately. So I tried to talk to her and find out if she sent that snapshot to Ellen Beals, but she just yelled at me and wouldn't answer my questions! And we were getting along so well lately! It must be the stress. The girls miss you a lot, Sasha, all of them! Your father is a wonderful coach, but they've had a change of coach twice already, and the Worlds and the Olympics are getting closer. Kaylie is just out of the hospital too. Emily's having roblems – well, you know... Sasha, why did you leave? I need to know!"

"Like I said, it has nothing to do with you." – Sasha asked softly.

"Why then? I want to know for my sake as well as the girls'. I sometimes wonder how things would have turned out if you hadn't …" - Summer finished in a small voice.

Sasha sighed. His musings during the night resulted in a firm decision that Summer was in the past. As perfect as she was, he didn't want to get into it when he knew he couldn't give her what she wanted. And he had no right to let her raise her hopes up. "No use wondering about that, Summer. You're an amazing woman. But you need somebody who's not messed up like I am!"

Summer laughed bitterly. "It's not you, it's me" – don't men usually say that when they need to dump a woman gracefully?"

_Great start of the day! _Sasha groaned inwardly. _Trying to sort out a nonexistent relationship over the phone. _Sasha wanted to comfort Summer, but if she was looking for answers, he didn't have any.

"I meant just that, Summer – things are complicated for me and I don't want to hurt you because of that. We didn't go far – so it's better you move on and forget about me."

Somebody knocked on his door. Sasha jumped at this opportunity to postpone the unpleasant conversation. He knew it was cowardly, but he was not in his best shape after a poor night's sleep.

"Summer, look, I have a visitor – can I call you back later?" – he said as he went to get the door.

"Ok." – she said sadly and hung up.

As soon as Sasha saw who his visitor was he suddenly felt he wanted to be talking to Summer about break ups and reasons for leaving the Rock again.

"Hi! Sorry I'm intruding." – Mark Keeler said shaking Sasha's hand.

Mark got Sasha's cell and directions on how to get to his van from Payson first thing in the afternoon. Payson slept in and seemed oddly detached. She ate her breakfast in silence and only answered when spoken to. Mark was glad she had a good rest, but wondered why she was so silent.

Mark decided against calling Sasha first. The coach might refuse to even discuss the matter over the phone, so Mark intended to leave him no choice and just show up in person. He was limited for time – Payson's flight was in the evening, so he had to take her to the airport.

Mark kissed Payson goodbye and drove away. His mind was set but he had no idea how to make Sasha come back. It got worse when he finally arrived – his mind was blank and all he could think about was what they would do if he failed. He knocked on the door, hoping Sasha was home and he didn't have to wait. Then he heard Sasha's voice inside, talking to somebody.

"Summer, look, I have a visitor – can I call you back later?"

He sounded tired, Mark thought. And was Sasha still dating Summer? Looked like he was. Kim told Mark about their relationship, when Mark was mad at Sasha for leading Payson on and bringing on her crush.

Somehow, knowing that Sasha might still be dating Summer dulled the uneasy feeling at the back of his mind just like before, when he learned about Payson kissing Sasha at the gym. Mark braced himself for a long and hard conversation. He owed his girl her coach at least, if he couldn't be near her himself every day. Sasha replaced him in some ways before and Mark hated it that he had to ask Sasha to do it again. But Mark had no choice.


	5. Chapter 5

**First of all thanks to lda-cullen and everybody else who's reading and reviewing for continuing support! Hope you're all having a great time with Christmas almost there! This story is not at all christmasy, but still – here's the new chapter. **** This is the last one for the next two weeks. But if you want me to go on – in two weeks I'll be all yours! **** Merry Christmas!**

Sasha opened the door with the cell in his hand. He was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt and looked somewhat ruffled. "Please come in, Mark. How are you?"

"I'm good, how've you been? I'd rather take a walk if you don't mind."

"Just let me grab my jacket." – Sasha said disappearing inside the van, the tension inside him growing. _Why had Mark come? How much, if anything, did he know about the day before?_

They walked in silence for a few moments. Then Mark broke it.

"Payson told me everything, Sasha."

_What? _Sasha froze on the spot.

"I understand how hard it is for you, but you can't imagine how upset she is."

_Wait, what does he know?_

"She literally can't go on without you."

Sasha's mind was reeling. _What the hell was Mark talking about?_

Mark was puzzled by Sasha's silence and the confused expression on his face. Mark tried to be polite and not start yelling at the coach for abandoning his daughter and making her go through painful doubts about her future in gymnastics without him. But his patience was running to an end. Despite all the good Sasha had done for Payson, in Mark's opinion he was undoing it all by leaving her alone at the peak of her career.

Now that Sasha was actually facing Mark, it got harder by the minute. Images of him kissing Payson the day before kept appearing in his mind. How it felt to run his hands up her back and bring her closer to him, how she tasted and smelled and how it was all wrong and how he shouldn't let it happen again, and not even think of it – till she was eighteen at least. And now Sasha had to answer to her loving dad, without a clue as to how much he knew or suspected. What a mess. Sasha vaguely thought he should say something, but nothing came to mind.

Mark stared at Sasha, but Sasha was obviously not going to answer. So Mark continued.

"I don't like it, Sasha. I'm not sure if _I_ want you back or not. It was bad enough after Payson kissed you – not that I blame you for it, we talked it though, no hard feelings there."

Sasha winced. So Mark _didn't _know anything about last night and his words before had no hidden meaning.

Mark went on.

"I'm grateful you got Payson on the National team when everybody else gave up on her. But the way you left her after that, the way that hurt her and is still hurting her – I almost hate you for it."

_He should hate me. He'd probably shoot me in the head, or have a heart attack, or lock Payson up and get a restraining order on me, or all of that together – if he knew what we'd done. What I let us do the day before. He got over that kiss in the gym and he was right. Nothing was there on my part. But yesterday's kiss – he should do more than just hate me for it._

"Payson didn't ask me to talk to you, but since you wouldn't listen to her, I have to."

Sasha frowned.

"You need to come back and coach her again, Sasha. You owe her that. I don't care why you left – your personal reasons and feelings don't matter in this. Payson's future is at stake. Her dream, her whole life! She barely got over loosing it all after the injury, and now it's like it's happening all over again, but at a smaller scale. _You_ can fix it. Come back. For Payson. For the rest of the girls. Kim told me their parents feel the same way. Even Tanner, who's always been difficult, wants you back. Kaylie's parents tried calling you to thank you for warning them about their daughter's condition. They're sorry they didn't listen to you. We all trust you, and though we're all mad at you for leaving, we want nothing more but for you to come back."

Sasha wanted to bang his head on the nearby tree. Mark was telling him he trusted him with his daughter. Mark wanted to put her future into his hands. It was all getting too twisted for everybody's good.

Sasha finally spoke. "Look, Mark, things are a bit more complicated than you're representing them." So how does he apologize to Payson's dad for kissing her and loving her without actually telling him about it? Sasha considered telling Mark right there, right then. But that would mean he'd never coach Payson again, or even see her again for a long time. His pain and possible consequences, like losing his reputation and career for good or even going to jail, aside, Mark said Payson was convinced Sasha was the only one she could make it to the Olympics with. What if she would do something stupid, if Sasha refused? Merely thinking about not being able to see Payson or talk to her for the next couple of years was killing Sasha.

"What's more complicated?" Mark was visibly irritated. The coach was silent for so long and that was his answer to everything Mark had said? He was fighting the urge to take Sasha by the shoulders and shake him. Though the coach was considerably taller than him and stronger, Mark didn't care. He was so mad at Sasha he could even hit him right then.

"I left exactly because I didn't want to be hurting the girls! And that's why I can't come back! Don't you see – all the bad things that happened to them happened the year I was coaching! You might trust me, but I don't trust myself anymore! I miss things I shouldn't be missing!" _And_ _I can't be around Payson every day! And she shouldn't be around me! She should be training, studying, even dating boys her own age – anything, but feeding her love for me!_

Mark had never seen Sasha so distressed. His anger died away all of a sudden. "Look, if you're talking about Payson's injury and Kaylie's condition – you're wrong. Payson tends to hide her problems and her pain – both emotional and physical – from everyone. And she's good at it. We're her parents and we never had a clue how bad it was. You're her coach, and though you're close to her, I don't think you know her better than me and Kim. If we never noticed, how could you? You're taking too much upon yourself. The same goes for Kaylie. Anorexic girls are very good at hiding it at first – you should know that. It's part of the disease. You cannot blame yourself for those two incidents!"

_He thinks he knows Payson better than me?_ Sasha thought bitterly. _Does he know she came here to find out if I loved her? Does he know she probably wants me back because of that as well as because of the Olympics? No, he doesn't. My father is a great coach – she'll be much better off with him, and me nowhere near her._

"I just can't, Mark. There's nothing more to talk about." Sasha started walking back to the van, but Mark grabbed him by the arm. He was surprisingly strong.

"No, you listen to me, Sasha. If you think you hurt the girls by missing things – think about how much you hurt them by abandoning them. And how much you're still hurting them by staying away from them _now_. And think of what's worse for them – the things that would have happened anyway, with you or another coach, or the things that can't happen without you. Like winning at the Olympics."

"You don't know my father. He'll get them there."

"I respect your father a lot. And I like him. But however brilliant he might be, the girls want you. Trust and devotion count for a lot."

"Mark, can you honestly promise me that you'll trust me with your daughter no matter what? In spite of her injury and the crush she had on me? Do you honestly want me back after all that?" – Sasha said harshly.

Mark was silent for a few moments. He couldn't answer yes to that question. But he also new Sasha did the impossible for Payson. And Payson wanted Sasha as her coach. Mark trusted his daughter's judgment and silenced his own uneasiness at the thought of Sasha back in full power at the Rock.

"I promise and I do trust you." Mark said simply.

Sasha sank to the ground. This was it. He had no more arguments. The last one was telling Mark what he didn't know. But that meant ruining Payson as well as himself. Subjecting her to something ten times worse than it had been after that documented kiss in the gym. No, he had to endure it and be silent – at least for a while longer. But could he coach Payson? Act around her like nothing happened? Not let anything new happen? Constantly exercise his self-control and hers? Payson obviously thought he could.

Mark sat down by Sasha. He was not about to give up half way.

X X X

"Hi, dad." – Sasha said in Romanian. Dmitri would never let him saw a word in English when just the two of them were talking.

"Hello, son. So, let's hear the news." Dmitri's voice on the phone was expectant.

"I won't thank you for sending Payson my way, if that's what you're waiting for."

"Not at all. I'm waiting for you to make a decision."

"You knew how talking to Payson would affect me." – Sasha accused. – "And then her father took the matter into his hands."

"Pretty much everybody called you the first week you left, begging you to come back. Except Payson. And all of them failed to convince you. I couldn't know for sure, but I suspected Payson was the only person who could knock some sense into your head. If her father helped – well, that's a good thing."

Sasha groaned. Dmitri wanted Payson to convince him to come back. Instead he unintentionally set things in motion Sasha and Payson were unable to control.

"So?" – Dmitri demanded.

"I _am_ coming back." – Sasha answered wearily.

"If that's your decision, hear me out. I won't make it easy for you. I didn't come back from my retirement and replace you, when you ran off, for nothing. I was trying to make up for your mistake because I like your girls and I think they have a shot at the Olympics if they stick to what they've achieved and continue to grow. And for that they need one good coach who's ready to be there the whole time to train them for the Olympics. Why _you_ abandoned them is beyond me just like why you abandoned the Romanian team all those years ago. You blame yourself for what happened to that Romanian girl, and then for not seeing Payson was about to get badly injured, and then for not seeing what was going on with Kaylie – and you know what? I don't recognize you, Sasha. You were not like that when you competed yourself. You knew back then what elite-level gymnastics is. Hard work, psychological pressure, pushing yourself beyond limits, injuries, broken life if it's suddenly all over. You wanted to be a champion and were ready to go to any lengths to become one. You were injured so many times, got dozens of cortisone shots over the years, endured the pain, risked losing it all and in the end – you won. Your girls want the same thing and are prepared to do it the same way. They know they might lose it all – Payson nearly did. It's part of the bargain. You, Sasha, are a talented coach, but running off twice in a row is a pattern. I won't let you do that again, not to these girls. If you can't find it in yourself to accept the sport with everything it can do to your athletes and not play god who can forsee and fix everything – better not come back. _I won't let you_ back until I see you've learned the lesson. Prove it to me and I'll step away and help you rein Beals in. Continue like before and I'll use all my power to not let you set foot in the Rock."

Sasha listened in silence. During the past years he got used to people treating him with respect, admiration, fear, to people acknowledging his authority. Even if someone like Ellen Beals got on his way – her type might hate him, but they still respected him. His father, on the other hand, spoke to him like when he was a ten-year-old boy on his team, whom he scolded often in exactly _that _manner. Sasha rubbed his eyes. Not much had changed between him and his father in the past twenty-five years. But, though both the manner and the conversation were unpleasant, Sasha knew his dad was right. He mirrored Mark Keeler's word earlier, but in a harsh and blatant way.

Sasha finally spoke. "I get the message. You may think I'm weak – but you're wrong. And I'll prove it to you."

"Please do. Until then – I'm coaching at the Rock."


	6. Chapter 6

Hi! Sorry I disappeared like that – had loads to do and not a minute of free time to write! But if anyone's still following this – here's another chapter!

Can't wait to see Sasha back in the show! Though hate what they're going to do to Em-Damon

X-X-X

The day was beginning unpleasantly. Sasha made a list of people in his head he needed to talk to and cringed at the thought. It took a couple of minutes to decide where to start – Sasha was sure all upcoming conversations would be unpleasant.

He could of course postpone this hard part and text or call Payson first. He thought about it while preparing breakfast and decided against it. Even a text with a couple of innocent phrases could be accidently read by a friend or a family member and together with that kiss at the gym and Payson's trip to Minessota to see him it could lead to the wrong conclusions in people's heads. Well, Sasha smiled grimly, those conclusions wouldn't be wrong – it would be wrong to let people discover enough to come to those conclusions. That's why calling was dangerous as well. He did promise Payson to keep in touch, but now he was actually thinking about it he realized it could be a problem. Sasha shook his head. This was all turning into some perverse James Bond movie. Nothing – except for another kiss – had happened so far and nothing should. But he and Payson had to find a way to communicate normally and act as usual when other people were around. Payson didn't need a tint on her reputation before the Olympics and his reputation with the NGO wasn't exactly perfect either. So, as much as Sasha wanted to talk to Payson and as much as he hated leaving her wondering about what was going on he decided against talking to her for a little bit longer. And she wouldn't call or text him herself, Sasha was sure. Coming to see him and telling him of her feelings was a big step already – Payson's pride would not allow her to continue pursuing him. He was sure she would wait for him to make the next move.

The urge to talk to Payson, simply talk to her was suddenly overpowering. At that moment Sasha was glad Payson was gone back to Boulder. Otherwise he would probably have driven to Mark's house to see her even briefly against his better judgment. A stupid childish idea, unworthy of a grown man who was supposed to know how to control himself. Good job Payson was gone, he thought again.

Sasha forced himself to eat breakfast and tried to get Payson out of his head by returning to the tasks at hand.

He decided to start with Summer. He promised to call her back – he owed her that. But that talk turned out easier than he had expected. Summer obviously had time to mull over what he had said the day before, and didn't press him for more. But she wanted to talk to him and he felt she still hoped he would start saying completely different things to what he had said the day before. So Sasha wrapped it up when everything he could explain was explained. Summer offered to have coffee or a drink as friends when he would be in Boulder. But Sasha refused as gently as he could. Things were complicated enough without starting a friendship with an ex-nearly-girlfriend.

The next person Sasha called was Steve Tanner. Although Sasha would give anything never to have to deal with Tanner again he needed him. As president of the parents' board, Tanner had the power to bring Sasha back.

In some ways Steve was an easy person to deal with – it was he who got Sasha to coach at the Rock, it was he who banished Sasha from it, and it was he who was ready to welcome Sasha back. Tanner changed his opinion every time circumstances changed for him. For now it was convenient for him to have Sasha coaching at the Rock again. Lauren, of all people, wanted Sasha back, and most of the time Steve could not refuse his daughter anything. Tanner openly acknowledged he had nothing against Sasha personally and had to go with the NGO's decision to suspend him before – to get the presidency. But if Sasha could find a way around Ellen Beals and the NGO Steve was all for his coming back.

Sasha grimaced. Ellen Beals was only one of the problems. The other one was his father. Sasha would never agree to Tanner breaking the contract with him, even if Steve said he could do it. Which Tanner didn't. Getting NGO to agree to replace Dmitri Beloff with Sasha Beloff after all the events of the past few months was next to impossible Steve said. But he could offer Sasha a position of a coach under Dmitri.

Even though that was what Sasha intended to ask for, he still groaned at the idea. His relationship with his father had always been difficult. Sasha and Dmitri had different views on pretty much anything and were both stubborn and uncompromising. At one time Sasha tried to find something in common with his father, but failed and it's been many years since he last tried to do something together with him. Their last falling out over coaching led to almost total estrangement and Sasha only started talking to his father a couple of years ago. He couldn't imagine how they would stand to be in the same room together every day for even a week, let alone coaching together for the next one and a half years.

But he would have to do it, whatever the cost. For Payson, for himself, for their future as a coach and an athlete, or as something else. Anyway, if coaching together with Dmitri Beloff was the only chance to get back Sasha would just have to endure it somehow.

But those concerns had to wait, Sasha told himself. The most important one was getting around Ellen Beals who would definitely set the NGO against him and do everything not to let him come back.

He had to find a way around Ellen Beals. And there was only one person who could help him.

X-X-X

"Hey, man! It's been ages!" – the stout Ivan Ionut clapped him on the shoulder.

"Then we'll have to make up for it, Vano!" – Sasha laughed, giving him the bag with four big bottles of vodka. It was so good to speak Romanian again! Sasha always thought English had become his native tongue as well as Romanian, but when he talked in Romanian he always had that warm homely feeling English never gave him.

"By getting wasted? And the offer is coming from _you_? The man who never breaks the regime? The always focused on gymnastics and nothing but gymnastics Sasha Beloff who wouldn't even taste beer as a teenager?" – Ivan boomed. – "I'm impressed! And intrigued! You sure sounded weird on the phone, but _this_?"

"Wow, wow!" – Sasha raised his hands, still laughing. – "It's a not a tendency, so don't expect me on your doorstep with another four next week!"

"Don't spoil it for me!" – Ivan dragged Sasha to the couch of his hotel suite. – "And if it's a one time thing, shall I record it on video? For your grandchildren?" – he smirked. – "The great Sasha Beloff finally losing it!"

"Not a chance! You'll be the first one under the table!" – Sasha grinned.

"I might be, but the camera doesn't need me around to continue recording!" – Ivan clicked two bottles together and raised his eyebrows.

Sasha took a bottle from him and looked around for glasses. "Have you got anything to eat?"

"We're in the hotel, buddy! What would you like?"

"Whatever you order, I'm starving and if I am to drink you under the table I need food."

"Hmmm, so if I feed you, I'm lessening my chances to have fun tonight?" – Ivan smiled wickedly. – "But if I don't – what kind of a host am I? Tough choice!"

"So choose feeding me and hope I'll be fun anyway!" – Sasha offered.

"Hmmm!" – Ivan went to the hotel phone and Sasha heard him ordering enough for three.

Sasha didn't make friends with Ivan Ionut at once. They were five when they first met. Ivan was a chubby kid, who never knew his Dad and was raised by his Mum who could barely make hands meet. Every other kid their age on their club team made fun of his chubbiness, donated clothes, his mother's ingratiating manners when she talked to the coaches. But not for long, because even as a kid Ivan had a remarkably sharp tongue. A few months went by and Ivan lost his chubbiness, gained strength and learned to punch the most annoying kids. It got him and the other ones into a lot of trouble, but Ivan told Sasha later on it was totally worth it. Nobody bothered him anymore but nobody wanted to be friends with him either. Just like nobody wanted to be friends with the coach's son, whose every step was closely watched and who was only interested in gymnastics anyway and never participated in off-limits activities.

At first they had lack of other friends in common, but later on they discovered they had a lot to talk about. Going to the UK was a hard decision for Sasha because of Ivan as well as everything else. He always had few friends and Ivan had always been the best one of those few.

Ivan never got to the Olympic pedestal. Nor was he any good as a coach. But when he moved to the US and got a job at the NGO his career shot up. By the time Sasha arrived in the US Ivan was already a high-ranking official. And Sasha never wondered why. When conducting business Ivan was shrewd, ruthless, even brutal at times. He was feared and hated because he somehow managed to dig up stuff people desperately tried to hide and stored it for future use. However, Ivan almost never made it public. Sasha suspected he blackmailed quite a few people to get what he needed. Ivan never admitted openly he did that but he dropped some hints and Sasha knew his personality too well to doubt the rest.

And that was exactly why Sasha came to Ivan that night.

"You still have a thick accent, even after all those years in the US!" – Sasha noted.

"And you still have that UK accent women seem to be so fond of! Will they throw themselves at me the way they do at you if I get an accent like that?" – Ivan asked, grinning.

"You wish!" – Sasha laughed. That was one of the things he loved most about Ivan – he laughed around him a lot. Even with everything he had on his mind lately.

Sasha finally found the glasses and poured them full. Ivan slumped into one of the armchairs and took his.

"So what are we drinking to?" – Sasha asked.

"To you continuing to entertain the whole gymnastics community?" – Ivan suggested, smiling mischievously. – "It's been so quiet with you gone! You know, the way you behaved when you were a kid I'd never have believed you'd cause such mayhem as a grown up! To Sasha the Rebel! I liked him! Pity the Rock doesn't have you anymore. Any offers from other clubs to spice up their lives?" – Ivan winked.

Sasha sighed. – "I guess you know me too well to even drink the first one without accidentally bringing up the reason I'm here."

"What, you're not here because you missed me?" – Ivan's face mockingly saddened.

"You know I can't go on without seeing you every so often!" – Sasha laughed again.

"Spill." – Ivan's face grew serious.

Sasha took a breath. – "I want to come back to the Rock. And I need Beals off my back for that. She practically controls the NGO and if she's out I don't think they'll object. Will you help me?"

"You do realize Ellen Beals is not the only problem with your plan?" – Ivan raised one eyebrow. – "When was the last time you spent 15 minutes in one room with your father without storming out and not talking to him for the next month?"

"Vano, please! I'm trying hard not to think about that!" – Sasha said, his voice pained.

"No, seriously! You've only been on speaking terms to one another for what, a few months? Anyway, I guess this is going to be a long night and we'd better get started. To your brilliant ideas, what can I say!" – Ivan clicked his glass to Sasha's and drank the vodka in one gulp.

"We have been kind of ok for two years." – Sasha said uncertainly.

"Yeah, because you've only talked on the phone!" – Ivan said sarcastically. – "Look, man, I can get Beals off your back but I have a bad feeling about this. What are you trying to do? What is this all about? First you run – well, ok, stuff happens, I understand. But trying to come back – banging your head against the brick wall like that? With NGO, Beals and Dmitri all against you? I suppose your father isn't overjoyed with your plans either? Why? Are there not enough clubs in this country? Or any other country with decent gymnastics teams? Come on!"

"You don't understand. It's my girls. I tried to leave them – even after all that happened _I'm_ their coach, they trusted me with their careers! I can't abandon them like that! I thought I could – but no! Please help me, Vano! I know you can!"

Ivan chuckled. – "I will, calm down. I planned to get rid of Beals altogether in time – I guess I'll have to act sooner. But I still don't get it – they're just four girls! Ok, they're good, they've got a shot at the Olympics. But there's like another dozen girls around the world who do. Pick one and become co-coach or something and leave this cesspool alone!"

"The Rock is not a cesspool. It's Beals, Tanner and a number of other individuals." – Sasha shook his head and finally drank his vodka all in one shot just like Ivan. He then took the bottle and filled their glasses again. Ivan knew him too well – the advantage of growing up together – and Sasha realized Ivan would guess the truth eventually anyway. There was really no point in dragging it out.

There was a knock on the door and the waiter rolled in the food. Sasha welcomed a break to get his thoughts together.

They ate in silence for a while, Ivan suspiciously eyeing Sasha over his three different main courses. Sasha kept his eyes on his plate and finished off the first bottle all by himself. He never saw alcohol as a way out and seldom drank at all, but that day somehow he wanted nothing more but to get pissed and forget about the mess he made.

"So are you going to tell me what's this all about?" – Ivan asked innocently wiping one of his plates with a piece of bread.

Sasha grimaced. – "Can't you just trust me that I need to coach in the Rock again?"

"Ok, let me guess. This is a weird twisted way to get back at Dmitri? Or to mend things with Dmitri? Or pissing off Beals?" – he looked at Sasha speculatively. – "No, none of that sounds like something you'd want so desperately. Is it about a woman?"

"Here goes…" – Sasha winced.

"It's about a woman!" – Ivan grinned. – "Are you going to tell me now? Wow, wow!" – he stared at Sasha, horrified. – "It's not about that girl who kissed you?"

"I knew it…" – Sasha muttered.

"Ok, pass me one of those bottles." – Ivan continued to stare at Sasha. – "And tell me I'm wrong."

Sasha sighed heavily and did as he was asked, pouring himself yet another glass in the process.

"You're not sleeping with her, are you?" – Ivan narrowed his eyes. – "I can handle getting you back, but if you want me to visit you in jail for the next how many years? – then I'm out!"

"It's nothing like that, don't worry." – Sasha rubbed his face. Vodka was staring to work. – "I won't touch her and won't let her touch me. Until she's eighteen at least. Or never because I'm thirty-five, she's sixteen and this is all crazy."

"So get on a plane, get out of this state and forget about her!" – Ivan shook his head incredulously.

"Look, you think I never considered that?"

"Consider it again! You're rushing through half the country to have me deal with Beals for you and influence the NGO to get you back after everything that happened for your stupid crush on a sixteen-year-old? What are you sixteen yourself? Good job that kiss story got hushed up and the photo never appeared in the papers – what, you want another chance?"

"I'm not stupid, Vano! Nothing will happen. I promised her to get her to the Olympics and I will. I can't let her down. And I am thirty-five – I can control myself."

"Can you?" – Ivan cocked his head.

"I can and I will. Just do what I need for me."

"If I knew what you wanted it for – I'd never agree."

"So you will help me?"

"We have…" – Ivan leaned down – "…two and a half bottles for you to convince me you'll get yourself a girlfriend _over 18, _several at once if you need,and stick to them till the Olympics. And if that's in the papers – all the better."

"You pervert!" – Sasha laughed. It was like a huge load was lifting off his shoulders. Ivan didn't understand, but he would help.


	7. Chapter 7

**Surprise-surprise! Another chapter!**

**Sometimes I think I should add more drama to my story – but then I think of what's coming up on the show and decide to take it slow. **

**I'm sooo glad there are still people reading this story – thank you all! Special thanks to those who review! **

X-X-X

The text simply said: "Back next week. See you soon." But for Payson it was more than enough. Coming back from Minessota, Payson increased the volume of her ringtone and her text message sound to the maximum and carried her phone with her everywhere she possibly could. She even started taking it with her to the shower, nearly drowning it twice. She ran to it during breaks in the gym. She checked it secretly during family dinners, chats with the girls after training, helping her mum around the house. But each time she it rang she got disappointed.

The text came when Payson was in the shower. Even though three weeks had passed since her visit to Minessota, she reached for the phone immediately, hopeful but ready to be disappointed yet again. Payson slipped, hit her head on the shower door, but when she saw who the text was from she gave a yelp of pure happiness instead of one of pain. Not really thinking what she was doing she ran into her room, all wet, shampoo in her hair and started dancing and jumping with the phone, feeling like her chest would burst any moment with excitement and joy. Sasha! Coming! Back! Next! Week! To coach _her_! And maybe – Payson was afraid to even think of their kisses and everything else for fear she might wake up from this happy dream.

She tripped on her duffle bag, fell on her bed, squealed again and hid her face in her pillow.

"Pay, you all right there?" – came Becca's worried voice from behind the door.

"Fine!" – Payson answered, throwing the pillow to the side and starting jumping on the bed. – "Go down, I'll be there in 5 minutes!"

"Ok!" –Becca said uncertainly.

Kim knew something was up the moment Payson came into the kitchen. Becca looked up from her muesli and stared at her sister. Payson was radiating joy and practically danced to her place at the table.

"Morning, honey!" – Kim said cautiously. Payson had been depressed and hopeful in turns ever since she came back from Minessota and Kim knew only too well what it was about. She had a sinking feeling she had to thank Sasha for that morning's change and prayed that he won't take it all away the next day.

"Mum, Sasha texted me! He's coming back next week! Can you believe it?" – Payson considered not telling here mother about the text but there was no way she could check herself and act composed. There was nothing suspicious in those two phrases, Payson thought, so why not share her happiness.

"Cool!" – Becca smiled widely. – "Wait, so is Dmitri leaving then? I kind of started to like him! Though Sasha is the best!"

"Of course he is!" – Payson beamed at Becca. – "I don't know about Dmitri, Sasha didn't say."

"So what did he say?" – Kim held her breath. Sasha did call and text Payson before, but after that kiss each text was a cause for worry for Kim, constantly on the lookout for signs of Payson's crush coming back.

"Not much! Here!" – Payson passed Kim her phone.

Kim read the two short phrases, relived. Nothing personal, cool and professional.

"I suppose Steve will announce it this morning. So did you answer Sasha?" – Kim asked mildly.

"Not yet! I'm just so glad, Mum! It's such a load off my back! The Worlds are just a month away – now I just know everything is going to be fine! I'm going to win!"

"You'll win anyway – you're you!" – Becca said.

"Thanks, Bec! I wish I was so sure myself!" – Payson smiled. _And I wish Sasha was always with me. As my coach and as something else. Then I'll be able to do anything._

X-X-X

Kaylie's first morning back at the Rock turned into a nightmare. It was like every single person in the gym had to say something to her and every time they did Kaylie cringed.

You look fantastic! – when Kaylie still had a couple of pounds to gain and get rid of that pale haunted look.

So glad you're back! You'll rock at Worlds, not to worry! – when Kaylie wasn't even on the team going to Worlds yet.

We missed you so much! – from a girl ranking fifth in the Rock and now breathing down Kaylie's neck.

After the tenth genial greeting Kaylie practically ran across the gym to the girls who were stretching on the mats, only to bump into Carter.

"Kaylie! You're back! Wow, you look…"

"Don't even start!" – Kaylie hissed and turned on her heels and saw Payson, Emily and Lauren approaching her as if guessing what was going on.

"Kay!" – Payson smiled brightly. Seeing the expression on Kaylie's face she didn't say anything else, but hugged her. Emily was at their side in no time. Lauren took a few steps towards the group, but didn't join in on the hug.

"How are you?" – Emily asked seriously, untangling herself from the other two.

"Surprisingly worse then I've felt back home. And I've only been here what five minutes?" – Kaylie said bitterly. – "How's your stuff going, Em?" – she asked to change the subject.

"Nothing new since we saw you last this Tuesday. The police probation is lifted, but still no word from the NGO. I might not be going to Worlds with you guys in the end." – Emily finished in a small voice.

"There's still some time. The team practice is not until next week." – Payson said resolutely and stole a glance at Kaylie.

"You can say it out loud, Pay. I have a week until team practice and a month before the Worlds themselves to make a spectacular comeback."

Lauren, silent up until that moment, stepped in. – "Sasha's returning to the Rock and he'll think of something, I'm sure. The two of you have to go, there's no other way."

Three heads turned to her at once, Emily and Kaylie amazed, Payson speculative.

"What?" – Emily breathed.

"How? When?" – Kaylie cried.

"Next week. Daddy talked to him and convinced him to come back."

"You sound glad." – Payson arched her brow. – "Weren't you for Sasha leaving?"

"I was, but then we got _him."_ – Lauren motioned to Dmitri, - "And what he does to us is way worse than anything Sasha ever thought of!"

"Coach Dmitri is strict and demanding, but that's exactly what we need before Worlds in Sasha's absence!" – Payson reasoned.

"Well, Sasha's back now and that guy can go where he came from!" – Lauren smiled sweetly.

Payson frowned at her.

"So is Dmitri leaving then?" – Kaylie asked the same question Becca did that morning.

"I don't know the particulars, but Sasha's starting Monday. Which is – the day after tomorrow! Ta-da!" – Lauren grinned.

"I still can't believe you're so eager to welcome Sasha back!" – Payson said.

"What?" – Lauren snapped, – "I want a life – is that so surprising? We've been spending like twelve hours a day here, no weekends, no long lunch breaks – it's hell! If Sasha's what it takes to get some free time – I choose him!"

"What d'you need free time for anyway?" – Kaylie said.

"You won't be asking that when you stop seeing your precious Austin altogether other than form a distance in the gym!" – Lauren answered.

"What, you have a new boyfriend?" – Kaylie asked.

"No, when am I supposed to meet somebody? There's literally no time outside the gym with this monster of a coach!"

The other three exchanged a smile.

"Done with your warm-up?" – Dmitri's voice inquired from behind Lauren. Lauren jumped and glared. – "Off to the beam then, Lauren, bars, Payson, floor, Emily, and you, Kaylie, come with me."

The girls obeyed, Lauren muttering something to herself, and left Dmitri with Kaylie.

"Please don't ask me how I am and don't tell me I'll be fine, because if I hear it one more time today, I'll explode, I swear!" – Kaylie half-pleaded, half-threatened.

"I won't, darling. I'll tell you this," – Dmitri said in his thick Romanian accent, putting his heavy hand on Kaylie's shoulder, - "If you want to – you can recover in time to compete at Worlds. But anorexia is an insidious thing. It's in your brain more than in your body. You must remember that you can do anything, Kaylie, you can recover and win, but only if you remember that you're sick and will be sick for a long time, even when you're out of rehab and seem ok. If you forget that and start making the wrong choices – you'll not only lose everything you got yourself into this for – medals, victory, fame. You'll loose your life. Don't forget that for a single second. Push yourself hard, but never lose sight of the line. The winners are staying close to their lines – but they never cross them. You did, so you should always remember it can happen again. Be a winner from now on, Kaylie."

Kaylie felt tears stinging her eyes.

X-X-X

"Kaylie!" – Payson caught up with her teammate when she was leaving home at lunch break. Kaylie wasn't allowed to train more than four hours a day. – "Want to have a long lunch with me? I came in an hour earlier today so coach Dmitri won't mind." – she explained.

"Oh, I'd love to! Let's go to that new place with those huge milkshakes!"

Payson wanted to say they were only allowed to have even tiny milkshakes if any, but bit her tongue. She looked up articles on anorexia when Kaylie got sick, but was still confused as to what she should or should not bring up in front of Kaylie.

They settled in the corner of the café. It was practically empty, except for a few office clerks having lunch.

A waitress came to take their order. Payson looked expectantly at Kaylie, who's been studying the menu for the past fifteen minutes.

"You know what? I'm not that hungry. I'll just have a carrot juice." – Kaylie closed the menu, but when the waitress turned to Payson, she suddenly said. – "Wait! I change my mind. I'll have that steam cod with veggies and a fruit salad with yogurt."

The waitress wrote it down, not really caring what brought on the change, but Payson smiled sensing an important moment. "I'll have the same, please, only I'll have orange juice instead of carrot. Thank you!"

When the waitress left, Kaylie grinned. "I'm sooo glad we're here! You can't imagine how much I miss girl talk! You know things between me and Lauren are complicated, and I'm not that close to Emily, and it's not like I can talk to my Mum about anything! I'm simply dying to talk to somebody other than a shrink or an anorexic girl!"

"I can imagine!" – Payson laughed uncomfortably, not sure where that was headed.

"You know Austin visited me almost every day in rehab? We walked and talked and kissed and held hands – like we're a proper couple and like we're dating. It was so slow with Carter and now with Austin things are happening with lightening speed! I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like we should be having sex or something by now, because we're past the getting to know each other and learning to trust each other phase and right into that we've been a couple for ages and need to go further phase! I don't know how to explain it!"

"He's a great guy, Kay! You went through a very hard time together, maybe that's why you feel like you've been dating for ages rather than for a little more than a month."

"I guess! But what do I do? He's sooo sexy, Pay, I want him, I do, but I'm afraid! He's older than me and way more experienced – all those models and actresses – who knows how many there were! And I've only kissed Carter and never even had sex with him! If I do it with Austin now it's going to be my first time and with a man, not a boy – I'm kind of freaking out about that!"

Payson exhaled sharply like she was about to dive into icy water. She preferred to keep her problems to herself as a rule, or talk to Kim if it was something crucial. But this was something Kim had to never learn about. Never ever. And Payson was dying to share. So when Kaylie started the boys and sex talk – Payson decided it was now or never. She couldn't tell Kaylie the truth, but she could tell her a half-truth or something.

"You know, I understand you better than you think." – Payson began in a strained voice. – "There's a guy at, ummm, school – when I went there when I was injured. Ummmm, the elder brother of one of my classmates. We used to see each other a lot – he, ummmm, picked her up almost every day. And we talked a lot! You know how I never fell for any of the gym boys, or the school boys, but that one! He's perfect! He's what I want in a man! It's been coming on so gradually – at first I liked him as a friend and somebody I could talk to about anything and who helped me a lot to deal with my injury, but then I realized it's something more! I, ummmm, bumped into him a couple of weeks ago, and we talked for hours and we kissed! And I realized I want to be with him – for the first time in my life I want somebody for a boyfriend, can you imagine? And I think I want him, ummm, physically." – Payson flushed deeply. – "So I do know what you're talking about. He's not Austin, I don't think he's been dating models and actresses, but he is like, ummm, 10 years older than me. And I've only kissed one boy before him." – Payson finished lamely.

"Wow, Payson! This is huge!" – Kaylie cried. – "Why didn't you tell any of us before? So are you secretly dating him? Tell me _everything_!"

Payson immediately regretted her rash decision.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hooray! I've been trying to log on to update for two days now! Kept getting some stupid error! So glad they fixed it!**

**Please-please review! **** When I get your reviews I start writing twice as fast! Thanks!**

X-X-X

"So? " – Kaylie asked impatiently, when Payson didn't reply straight away.

"There's nothing to tell, Kay, honestly!" – Payson said fearfully, racking her brains for a safe way out of the conversation and cursing her impulse to share.

"No, wait, you said you kissed him – so how can there be nothing to tell?" – Kaylie pressed, – "When are you seeing him again? _Are_ you dating?"

"No, we're not! We're nothing at the moment! He's out of town a lot, and with the age difference and my training and the Olympics we decided there should be nothing between us at the moment…" – Payson answered carefully.

"But why? I'm not saying it's not a distraction – having a boyfriend, but it's not impossible! We're elite gymnasts, not nuns! If Carter wasn't such an ass, it might actually have worked for me!" – Kaylie reasoned. – "You could probably pull it off – if the guy's out of town a lot you won't see him often anyway. Look at Damon and Emily – a long-distance relationship and it's working for them!"

Payson stole a glance at her watch. She could pretend her time was up and thus end the conversation, although Dmitri wouldn't miss her for another half an hour or so. The fear of Kaylie disclosing something of what she said to one the girls or Leo fought in her with the desire to continue talking. Payson knew she would not allow herself to raise the subject again with Kaylie or any of the other two girls – she was getting too close during such conversations to telling too much. So if she had started it she might as well consult with Kaylie.

"He's not Austin or Carter, Kay. He's older. I'm not sure he'll wait for a year to start a relationship with somebody like me. And he's too much of a gentleman to start anything now – because I'm underage, because he's afraid to become a distraction on my way to Olympic gold…"

"If he really likes you he will wait!" – Kaylie insisted.

"Carter didn't." – Payson said without thinking. – "Oh, I'm sorry, Kay!" – she said, seeing Kaylie frown.

"It's ok, you're right. I think about it myself from time to time. What would have happened if I did sleep with Carter? Would he not go after Lauren? And what happens if I take it slow with Austin? But it's one thing – thinking about having sex with a guy sometime in the future – and quite another thing feeling like you should have sex with a guy to keep him at your side for fear he might run off otherwise. The latter just feels … wrong. You should do it when you're ready. The right guy will wait! It's just I can't decide for myself if I'm ready now or not. I obviously wasn't back then with Carter."

"I think I'm ready." – Payson said, surprising even herself.

"Wow!" – Kaylie stared at her. – "How?"

"I don't know. It's just when we kissed I felt like I wanted to go further. And when I picture kissing him again in my head – I still do. I'm scared, of course, but even Lauren admitted she was. I've never felt like this about anyone before! That's an even more scary part! What if it doesn't work now and I never meet another guy like that in the future?"

Kaylie looked at her thoughtfully. – "You know, when Lauren did it first, out of the four of us, I felt kind of jealous. I thought it would be me – I had Carter and he seemed that perfect sweet guy. And I always figured you would be the last of the four of us to lose your virginity. Don't be mad!" – she raised her hands. – "It's a compliment of sorts! I wish I could be so focused on gymnastics! I'm glad to know even you, the perfect gymnast, are finally powerless against somebody's charm like the rest of us!"

Payson laughed. – "I'm not a robot! Of course I get distracted! But I have my priorities sorted out and I want Olympic gold more than everything else. Except for…"

"… your guy." – Kaylie finished playfully. – "If he's so adamant on not dating till the Olympics it doesn't mean you can't see each other as friends, right? You could dress up – you know, buy something new and cute, flirt with him, try to get him to kiss you again – he might just change his mind!"

"My Mum would freak out if I tell her I need money for a dress for no occasion!" – Payson grinned, picturing her mother's face. – "I hate shopping and I'm useless at all that girly stuff like flirting – you know me! Besides, things are a bit more complicated between us."

"Oh, come on! However complicated things are flirting and looking nice never hurts! Lets go together then!" – Kaylie's face brightened. – "Shopping, I mean! I'll help you pick!"

"Thanks, but no!" – Payson shook her head. – "I'm not that desperate yet."

Kaylie looked disappointed. – "Well, if you ever change your mind – you know where to find me! By the way, what's the mysterious guy's name? You never mentioned it!"

"Doesn't matter." – Payson said firmly. Enough was enough. – "I need to go. I'll see you tomorrow! Oh, and Kay," – she went on, - "could you please not tell anyone about what I told you? Not even the girls?"

X-X-X

That evening Payson couldn't fall asleep. She went to bed early, hoping to get an extra hour to herself in the gym the next morning, but sleep wouldn't come. She kept thinking of Sasha soon to be back at the Rock. She remembered the way Sasha said he couldn't _allow _himself to love her. Maybe Kaylie was right. Maybe all she needed to do was some girly flirting and Sasha's resistance would crumble? She grimaced. Stupid thought. Sasha was not Carter who Lauren could get to do anything a while back just by batting her eyelashes at him.

Payson sighed loudly and sat on her bed. Her gaze dropped to the laptop on her bedside table. Payson looked at it speculatively, then took it and turned it on.

Sasha was all over gymnastics news. His abandonment of the Rock, rumors of his return, even pictures of his trailer parked by that lake in Minnesota – Payson froze at the possibility of some paparazzi sneaking up on them while kissing. But it looked like they got lucky. No Sasha or her on the photos, just the trailer.

Payson didn't have to go past the first page to find what she was looking for. The article was pretty straightforwardly called "The numerous women of Sasha Beloff" and had it all. The author claimed Sasha dated over 20 women and thoroughly went through the list with detailed descriptions of timing, photos and possible reasons why each relationship failed. There were, however, only 11 photos of Sasha kissing, embracing, sitting with, standing next to or going somewhere with different girls, not 20.

Payson looked Sasha up on the web quite a few times before, but she always ignored articles like that considering it none of her business. Nor were any women mentioned in Sasha's book, which she knew by heart by then. She couldn't bring herself to read the whole article even though this time she had a reason to be curious. Sasha's first reported girlfriend, a smiley dark-haired Romanian gymnast, looked cute, but simple. All the other ones made Payson's heart sink. She saw MJ and Summer (who wasn't mentioned anywhere in the article, which for a second had Payson wondering how many more were missing) personally and considered them very pretty. But the rest of the girls on the photos looked like they walked right off some runway in Paris. So much for Sasha being different from Austin, who only dated actresses and models.

Payson thought hopefully the media could have jumped to conclusions concerning some of the girls, but she couldn't deny that the Sasha on the photos was somebody she knew nothing about. Until she stumbled upon Summer with him by his trailer she had that romantic image of Sasha as somebody who probably dated, but it was nothing serious. However, some of the stories in the article sounded very real. Like an English girlfriend Sasha nearly married because she got pregnant. The girl chose her career over Sasha's baby and had an engagement was broken off, but when Payson calculated the age of the possible baby she got 11. So Sasha wasn't being metaphorical when he said he could have a daughter more or less Payson's age. He literally could.

Payson groaned and lay her forehead on the keyboard not caring that she pressed half the keys simultaneously and navigated away from the article.

She then had an idea. She opened Google up again and searched for Hollywood couples with big age difference. Then she searched famous couples with big age gaps throughout history. The results made her smile. If she and Sasha ever got together – they'd be in good company.

Payson bit her lip. Her fingers itched to look up a few more things she was dying to know. Payson knew the theory, or course, and having Lauren for a teammate she got a lot of details about her sexual experience with Carter. Kim gave Payson the sex talk a couple of years ago, and Payson endured it with a straight face not disappointing her mother that Lauren informed her of the same things when they were eight. And of course there was Summer, who never let an opportunity to talk about chastity or the dangers of sex pass.

But some questions still remained. Lauren would have been the perfect person to ask. But if Payson was sure there was a reasonably good chance Kaylie wouldn't disclose what Payson told her about "the guy", she was sure any such conversation with Lauren would be known to anyone in the three-mile radius of the Rock within an hour.

So she took a deep breath and typed in the keywords. She opened the link and started reading, but when the door banged open with Becca's excited voice shouting "Sis, are you still awake? OMG, my favorite band is coming to Denver, can you believe it!" – Payson's hand slipped and an indecent ad came up. With a loud amused "Payson, are you watching porn?" Becca jumped on the bed beside her to see what was on the screen right as Payson shut the notebook and gave her a murderous look.

X-X-X

Steve Tanner decided to announce the news about Sasha coaching at the Rock again on Sasha's first day back. Lauren just shrugged when asked why the suspense. Therefore Sunday went by quietly with just Lauren's usual whining that Dmitri was the devil sent from hell to ruin her youthful years.

Payson drove to the Rock an hour earlier on Monday, alone, as Kim and Becca chose an extra hour of sleep over an extra hour of work and training. The second Payson set foot in the gym she heard the familiar voice and her heart raced. She ran inside and looked around. Sasha was nowhere to be seen, but his voice was coming from the office and oddly shouting at somebody. Payson couldn't make out the words and just stood there, trying to understand what was going on. Sasha's voice was soon joined by Dmitri's voice and then Steve Tanner shouted something short and then the three of them started shouting simultaneously. A few minutes later Dmitri stormed out of the office, closely followed by Steve Tanner obviously trying to explain something to him along the way, but Payson didn't pay attention. Her eyes were on the office door from which Sasha Beloff emerged like the past two months never happened.

Steve followed Dmitri out of the gym into the parking lot, none of them taking any notice of Payson, who ran to the stairs of the office just as Sasha ran down. They met halfway and Payson threw her arms around him in a hug, throwing caution to the wind. Sasha hugged her back and stroked her hair, then gently pulled Payson away to look into her eyes.

"I missed you too. More than you can imagine." – he simply said.

X-X-X

Dmitri and Steve returned an hour later, Dmitri's lips pressed into a tight line and Steve looking very worried. As Sasha and Payson waited for the gymnasts to arrive and for the pair to come back, Sasha told Payson he had a slight misunderstanding with his father but wouldn't tell what happened. They didn't have much time together, as the rumor that Sasha was coming back that day spread like wildfire among the gymnasts and the gym was full way earlier than usual.

The other three girls arrived together and the minute they saw Sasha the three squealed happily and started jumping and embracing each other before running to embrace Sasha. All hard feelings towards him for leaving were forgotten – everybody was so glad to see him back and in time for Worlds. Kaylie and Emily had enough time to mull over and come to terms with what happened two months ago to understand why Sasha's choices had been such. Lauren was secretly happy she didn't have to blame herself for Sasha leaving because of her actions. The only downside for Payson that day was what was to happen to Dmitri Beloff now that Sasha Beloff came back.

Kim greeted Sasha warmly and Summer shook his hand formally averting her eyes.

Right at that time Steve asked everybody to gather round.

"As you all might have noticed," – he started with a strained smile, - "from today on we'll have not just one, but two coach Beloffs!" There was an awed murmur all around the gym, everybody's heads turning to look at Sasha and Dmitri. Payson beamed, Lauren scowled, Kaylie and Emily raised their eyebrows.

"The Rock is extremely lucky to have such reinforcements in preparation to the Worlds and the Olympics. So to our elite gymnasts I say – listen to them both and train as hard as you can. We have two of the best coaches in the US for you! We'll make the Rock even more famous than it already is! All right, off you go then, to your two coaches!" – Steve fished suddenly, watching Dmitri and Sasha eye each other from the opposite sides of the group of gymnasts.

And so the first day of new life at the Rock began. Everybody very soon found out that the two "reinforcements" seemed only mildly compatible with each other. Both Beloffs seemed to be fine until they had to confer about something, which, given it was their first day coaching together, was often. And then the fun began. The two would leave the gymnasts to the care of their assistant coaches and would go over to some distant corner of the gym where a lot of hissing in Romanian would occur with as much gesticulating. Steve Tanner would pale and retreat to the office where a worried Kim or Summer would stand by the glass and start asking him questions. As half a day passed Payson would already recognize a few words in Romanian from constantly hearing them from different corners of the gym. Though she was somehow sure they were not to be pronounced in decent society.

Sasha spent most of the day working with Payson and Kaylie, as Dmitri took Emily and Lauren to her dismay. But whenever Sasha would comment on something Emily or Lauren executed or Dmitri corrected something Payson or Kaylie did and the hissing would start all over again.

By the end of the day silence finally fell, but only because Dmitri and Sasha stopped talking to each other completely. The assistant coaches shot meaningful looks at each other, Payson nearly landed face first on the mat a few times trying not to miss what was happening and Lauren claimed she bruised her ankle and needed a rest just to enjoy all the drama from the bench. Which didn't work out too well, since Dmitri seemed to see right through her, and had her back on the beam in half an hour.

Sasha's phone rang when most of the gymnasts had already left. Payson headed to the locker room, shooting him worried glances and Dmitri retreated into the office, from where Steve Tanner raced to his car with lightning speed.

Sasha half-sighed half-smiled when he saw who it was.

"So shall I say "I told you so" now or save it for after you moan on how horrible today was?" – Ivan Ionut's voice inquired.

"Don't start!" – Sasha shook his head.

"No moaning? Or are you hoarse from all the shouting and can't talk?"

"I'm not hoarse, it went reasonably well, only Steve Tanner forgot to mention me coming back to my father, so it was a big surprise in the morning. Oh, and we've tried to resolve some coaching issues after that and we're not talking anymore." – Sasha summed up.

"In short, you've had a great reunion!" – Ivan was obviously grinning on the other side. – "I'm seriously considering placing a bet with Tanner on how many days a month you _will _actually be talking to each other! But that's not why I'm calling. I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"

"The bad ones." – Sasha said.

"Your father's been appointed head coach of the National team instead of Ellen Beals. The team practice in five days will be under his command. The NGO doesn't fully trust you, Sasha, and they think Dmitri is a reasonably good choice. Don't expect them to get rid of him as fast as they did of Marty and Beals."

"Can this day get any worse?" – Sasha groaned.

"It will get slightly better. Emily Kmetko and Kaylie Cruz are going to Worlds."


	9. Chapter 9

**Enjoy a long chapter and let me know what you think. I haven't decided what happened here myself so I'm putting off that decision until next chapter. **

Sasha and Dmitri seemed to have reached an agreement. Dmitri coached the male elite gymnasts, Sasha – the females, and they shared the responsibilities on the rest of the gymnasts, so as to have minimal interaction with each other. It seemed to work fine and Steve Tanner was visibly relieved and no longer looked out of the office every five minutes to check if both Beloffs were still there. The details of Sasha's first conflict with Dmitri, when he left to train in the UK, and some details of the numerous other ones, highlighted by the press, were known to everybody in the gym by then. Tanner started getting calls from reporters the day Sasha came back and the number of calls doubled when the news of Dmitri's appointment as National team coached was announced. But both Sasha and Dmitri flatly refused to give any interviews, raising a new wave of speculations and disappointing Steve Tanner.

So the day of the National team practice the parking lot of the Rock was packed with reporters hoping the rebellious Rock with two Beloffs instead of one would produce twice as much scandal. Kaylie, arriving one of the first, flashed a smile at them, let herself be photographed and ducked inside, ignoring questions concerning her anorexia thrown at her from every corner. Emily didn't even stop on her way to the Rock entrance, her head low, trying ignore the questions about her arrest. Payson was unexpectedly saved by Kelly Parker – the two arrived together and Kelly managed to draw the attention all to herself, much to Payson's relief. Lauren behaved like a winner at the Oscar ceremony – by the time she was done talking to each and every reporter all of the National team was already inside.

Other than that the practice went surprisingly well apart from Kelly Parker's usual tricks. She got Kaylie so worked up Payson had to hold her so she wouldn't punch Kelly. Kaylie's anorexia and Emily's arrest seemed to give Kelly as much pleasure as the reporters. Emily ignored her stoically, only to cry on Payson's shoulder later in the toilet.

"They will never forget! All of them! And they'll torment me with this arrest story every time I do something wrong again!" – she sobbed.

"Em, you're going to Worlds! To hell with them all! Enjoy your moment, don't let them spoil it for you!" – Payson argued.

"You're always so calm, Pay! I wish I could be more like you in that way! How do you do it?" – Emily complained.

Payson smiled at her, her heart heavy. She wished she could tell Emily that internally she was the exact opposite of calm, but not because of Kelly Parker. Sasha had been ignoring her all week. He did spend 10 to 12 hours in the gym with her every day, but was so cold and distant with Payson she hardly recognized him. He would not come too close to her, let alone touch her, avoided being alone with her, though Payson tried to catch him alone to talk. She could not guess the reason behind it and got so frustrated a few times she snapped at Sasha and left to sulk in the locker room, to be called back by a worried Emily, but not Sasha.

Kim watched it all from the office and tried to get Payson to talk to her, but Payson always cut her short with an "I'm fine, need to go train". Payson tried to pull herself together for team practice, and it worked until at the end of the day Sasha smiled at Kaylie and congratulated her on her good results and went past Payson with just a curt "good job". Kim happened to watch the scene, as Payson looked after Sasha with tears in her eyes, grabbed her duffel bag and left without saying goodbye to anyone. Nobody else took notice.

As Payson stood at the parking lot, waiting for her mother and trying to calm herself she saw Kaylie walking out of the gym. And then it suddenly came to her.

"Kay!" – she called. Kaylie came over, smiling.

"Oh, it was such a good day!" – she beamed. – "I was so down this week with my body not behaving the way it should but today I feel like my old self again!"

"Fantastic!" – Payson smiled. – "You know, I feel like celebrating. Do you want to go shopping tomorrow?"

Kaylie stared at her. – "You want to go shopping?"

"I thought about what you said back then and decided you're right. I want to take matters into my own hands. Try a new look for the start and then see how it goes."

"Wow! I'm sooo in!" – Kaylie clapped her hands. – "We'll get you something nice and then I'll do your make up and we'll go out. You'll look gorgeous, promise! Oh, wait, it's my friend's birthday tomorrow." – Kaylie frowned. – "You know what? I'm sure she won't mind if you come along. We'll do shopping in the morning – it's Sunday we'll have plenty of time! And the seasonal sales have started! And then in the evening we'll go to the party and – "

Payson sighed, determined, relieved and worried at the same time. The plan was forming itself in her head with lightening speed. "Thanks, Kay, I'd really appreciate it if you could go shopping with me and help me with my hair and make up, and thanks for inviting me to come with you to that birthday party, but I have to be somewhere else in the evening."

Kaylie's eyes widened. "You have a date? With _the_ guy?"

"Not exactly a date – but he's in town – don't know if he'd be home tomorrow night, but I want to try and surprise him."

Kaylie clapped her hands again excitedly. "I want to know all the details of that plan!"

"I'll tell you, but I'll need your help with covering me for the evening as well as my look." Payson said pleadingly.

X-X-X

Getting Kim to give her some money was not easy. Payson started talking about ballet and gracefulness at dinner, gradually getting to looks and fashion and ending with shocking Becca and Kim with a resolute "I think I now that I'm an artistic gymnast I might try to change my style a bit as well. I think I should start wearing dresses more often – you know, become more girly! Like you said before, Mum, embrace my femininity and all that. Only I don't have a lot of them." – Payson finished lamely, cursing her lack of subtlety.

"Well, we could all go shopping and buy you and Becca something nice." – Kim said carefully, wondering what came over her eldest daughter.

"I appreciate that, Mum, but could I go with Kaylie? Her friend from rehab's having a birthday party tonight and she said I could come with her, so I was wondering if I could have some money to shop with her and go to that party afterwards?"

"Oh, Mum, and can I go to the movies tonight with some friends?" – Becca put in. – "Since the world has turned upside down and Payson is spending Sunday shopping and partying with Kaylie?"

Kim frowned. – "What happened to family time on Sundays? If your father's not here this weekend it doesn't mean we're all spending Sunday separately! And why am I the last to learn of your shopping-partying-cinema plans?" – she looked from Payson to Becca, Payson flushing.

"Dad's coming home next weekend – we'll do something together then." – Payson promised.

"It's not the first time we skip family time and nobody's died so far!" – Becca added quickly, afraid Kim would not let her go.

Kim sighed. – "No, it's not, but I'm very sad I can't get even one day a week with the two of you. I don't mind that you two have your own plans on Sundays from time to time, but please warn me in advance at least! And who's Kaylie's friend from rehab, Pay? Do I know her? Or is it a him? Where will that party be? What time will you be home?"

"It's a her, her name is Maeve, she's a model and she lives not far from Kaylie and I'll be home by 11, Mum!" – Payson said feeling guilty for leaving her mother all alone on a Sunday. It had always been Becca who ran off on Sundays and never her.

"A model?" – Kim said raising her brows in surprise at her daughter's choice of company, but decided not to push it." – "And what about you, young lady?" – Kim turned to Becca.

"I'll be home by 10 and I'll be going with Derek, Lisa and Ricky!" – Becca answered, not feeling guilty in the least.

"You seem to be spending all of your free time with Derek lately." – Kim said suspiciously. Payson sighed with relief – her sister conveniently distracted her mother from her lame explanations.

"We're just friends, Mum, relax!" – Becca smiled.

X-X-X

Payson looked around before knocking on the door of Sasha's trailer. It was past 6 on a Sunday – even the most persistent gymnasts were gone from the Rock, so the parking lot was empty except for Sasha'a trailer.

She half-lied to Kaylie about the home address of the mysterious _guy_. After changing into her new dress at Kaylie's house and having Kaylie do her hair and make up Payson left the house with her, so Kaylie's parents were sure they were going together. But Kaylie dropped her off at a café not far from the Rock, thinking that Payson's _guy_ lived neaby. She nodded her head encouragingly by way of goodbye and drove off. Payson's head ached from the numerous lies and half-lies she told different people, which she had to keep in her head all the time so as not to let anything slip. She wasn't sure she could do it all again, but Payson pushed that thought to the back of her mind as she walked two blocks to Sasha's trailer.

Payson took a deep breath and knocked.

Sasha opened in a few seconds. And froze.

That wasn't the Payson he knew. The young woman standing in front of him resembled his Payson but in some ways was totally different. The make up she wore made her look older, seductive, her eyes deep and mischievous, her lips full and appealing. The dress was a light bluish-green, the same color as her eyes and bringing them out nicely. There wasn't anything indecent about it, it went down to her knees and wasn't low cut or anything, but somehow made her womanly curves stand out and made Sasha's imagination run wild. Payson was wearing heels and her hair was up in a mass of curls. All in all it was a stranger, sexy, dangerous.

"May I come in?" – Payson smiled playfully, seeing the effect she made on Sasha and rejoicing in it.

"Um, sure!" – he let her pass wondering what was going on. He was standing in the doorway and before he could step away to let her through she was already coming in, her breasts brushing against his chest. Sasha felt shivers go down his spine.

"You look…" – he started.

"I know." – she said calmly, settling on his couch. – "Come sit with me. I want to talk."

Sasha opened his mouth to say something but failed to get his thoughts together. His head reeled when he caught the scent of her perfume. Something sweet. Payson wearing perfume?

_Cool down. _He told himself. _Even looking like this she's still your underage gymnast. And what on earth is she doing here so late looking like this?_

He did sit down, but left enough space between them to fit another person. Payson frowned slightly.

"Do your parents know you're here?" – Sasha asked, his voice strained. He could hardly control himself with this new Payson on the same couch with him clouding his better judgment with her mere presence.

"Never mind my parents, Sasha. I want to talk about_ us."_

Payson moved closer to him and put her hand on his knee, undoing Sasha's effort to keep it decent. While he was considering different ways to remove her hand not hurting her feelings, Payson continued.

"I was so angry at you the past few days. I didn't understand why you had to behave like you did. But then I figured it out. You're probably right, we shouldn't be as close on public as we used to be before you went away. But _this _is different. _Here_ I don't want to pretend anymore. And I don't want to wait till I'm eighteen and till after the Olympics. I'll be seventeen in a week and I'm old and mature enough to know what I want. Elite sport made me age faster – so believe me, I've thought this through thoroughly and considered all the options. And this is the option _I_ choose."

Before Sasha could say anything she slid her dress off her shoulders, exposing a red see-through bra that left little to the imagination and kissed him, pressing her body against his, hot, trembling from fear or desire – he couldn't tell. Her arms were around him in a second. His flew to her shoulders trying, but failing to push her away. Her hands travelled down to his waist and pulled his T-shirt up, taking it off him. When their kiss broke so she could remove the shirt and Sasha had a second to regain his senses he took a sharp breath and gently, but firmly took her by the shoulders keeping her away from himself.

"What… Payson…" – Sasha was breathing heavily, her sweet taste still on his lips, the feel of her nearly naked body against his fresh in his memory.

She threw his shirt on the floor and looked him full in the face, her lips slightly parted and wet, her chest heaving, her eyes clouded, but determined and unafraid. Sasha's hands trembled. He had to stop Payson for her own good, but he had no idea how to talk to this new sexy grown up self-assured Payson. And he had no idea how to muster enough strength to push her away entirely. Sasha knew he didn't have much time, because Payson was obviously ready to go to any lengths to break his resolve and didn't want to give him any time to think.

"Don't stop me, Sasha. I know you want this as much as I do. I wasn't sure when I decided to come here, but now I am. I felt it. Don't stop. For once forget about everything. Trust me. I have it all figured out."

Sasha desperately wanted to say something that would make her stop and think again. He moved his hands to pull her dress back up while his mind raced and his lips wouldn't obey him to say what he had to say. Taking advantage of his confusion Payson pulled him close again.

X-X-X

The next morning Kim decided to take action. She cornered Sasha in the office. Seeing the resolute expression on Kim's face Sasha sat on the corner of the table, hands crossed at his chest, eyebrow raised in mute question.

"Look, I know I have no business criticizing your coaching style, Sasha, and I'm sorry for it in advance." – Kim began.

"Any of your comments are welcome, Kim, you know it." – Sasha said carefully.

"The thing is, when you came back Payson was all but flying from happiness! And look at her now. She did well at the team practice on Saturday, sure enough, but she's depressed because she thinks you're different with her and I can't help but agree. You treat her like you did after she … kissed you." – Kim said uncomfortably.

"What exactly are you trying to tell me, Kim?" – Sasha asked tiredly. He had to get all of his will-power together to look Kim in the eyes after the night before.

"They're driving me crazy, Sasha!" – Kim complained, her eyes pained. – "Becca met a boy and these days when she's not training – she's always with him! She brought him to our house once – he's nice, but Becca's fifteen for God's sake and starting to compete at elite level! I'm reasonably sure she's not lying and he's a friend rather than a boyfriend, and I don't want to forbid her to talk to boys or be friends with boys, but who knows what might happen! She's so young and he's her age – oh!" – the usually calm Kim threw her hands in the air. – "And while you and I can do nothing about that – we can do something about Payson! She's depressed because she's convinced you're treating her differently. She was saying you're spending more time coaching other girls than her. I started watching the two of you in the gym more closely and I must say it's true. You won't come near her when you don't have to. And you used to pay her way more attention! What is it, Sasha? Do you have reason to believe her crush on you is back? Because she's acting weird – she went shopping yesterday, can you believe it? Payson – shopping? And then going to a model's party? She _is_ nearly seventeen, all right, but she's always been my smart sensible girl! Is it because of you? Did she talk to you at all? Sasha, please tell me what's going on! Because Becca with a boy and Payson falling for you again is just too much in one week!" – Kim looked at Sasha pleadingly.

_Kim, stop right there! _– Sasha groaned inwardly. He covered his eyes with his hand for a minute. He wanted more than anything to tell Kim what was going on and it was killing him that he couldn't. But Kim had to stay in the dark.

"I behave the way I do to ensure a healthy work environment. I'm trying to be attentive to all my gymnasts' needs. The Olympics are just a year away – all of us need to concentrate." – Sasha replied carefully.

"You're not answering my questions! Payson can't concentrate when you won't even touch her to show her what she's doing wrong!" – Kim reasoned. – "I was under the impression you came back mainly for her, but now I'm confused – why, Sasha?"

_Because your daughter is in love with me and I with her! Because if you knew what happened last night you'd try to get me arrested at the very least! _– Sasha wanted to shout.

Instead, he asked calmly. – "So you want me to spend more time your daughter?" _– What an irony, Kim…_

Kim gave him a weird look. – "If you don't think there's a problem with her feelings for you again – just treat her like you used to. Coach her like you coach others. Touch her if you need to. Me and Mark won't hold it against you. We made a decision you're the best coach for her, so please don't behave like this to spare our feelings! It's hurting Payson and interfering with her training."

"What if I'm doing this to spare Payson's feelings?"

"Have you noticed anything odd about her behavior? She seems fine to me, except for yesterday – I still can't figure out what that was all about. But she seemed to enjoy herself." – not getting an answer from Sasha, Kim continued. – "If you notice something, Sasha, please tell us, but until then treat her like the others!"

"I'll try." – what else could he say? – "Oh, and Kim!" – he called to her, as she turned to leave.

"Yes?"

"I need to talk to Payson and show her something." – Sasha said. – Can I come by your house tonight? It won't take too long. And maybe I'll need to talk to you after that."

"Sure, what is it about?"

"I'd rather not say. It might not matter in the end." – Sasha answered mysteriously.

"All right then." – Kim said, puzzled.

X-X-X

"What's this?" – Payson asked, settling in comfortably on the couch near Sasha. As their shoulders touched, she suddenly couldn't care less for the answer to her question. The night before came up in her memory and her breath got caught in her throat.

"You'll see in a minute." – Sasha said, outwardly calm and focused. He pressed play on the remote to start the DVD.

The video on the screen was black and white. A blonde gymnast got up on the beam, the audience holding its breath. As she started performing her routine, Payson found herself forgetting about Sasha's closeness and the night before and holding her breath together with the audience – so powerful, yet strikingly graceful, elegant even, was her performance.

"Tokyo Olympics, 1964. Larissa Latynina, the USSR gymnast. She was 30 years old at the time." – Sasha commented in a low voice.

"She's so…" – Payson found herself lost for words.

"She is." – Sasha agreed, knowing exactly what Payson meant. – "It's old school, of course – some of those elements are not there anymore – as you might have noticed." – he smiled.

"I read about her – she set the world record for the most Olympic medals, didn't she?"

"9 gold, 5 silver and 4 bronze." – Sasha nodded.

The video stopped with Larissa saluting to the audience with the same striking powerful gracefulness her whole performance was filled with.

A new video started. A different blonde gymnast stepped onto the floor.

"Tokyo again, 1964." – Sasha commented. – "Another USSR gymnast, Polina Astakhova. 28 years old at the time. 10 Olympic medals in total, 5 of them gold. The media nicknamed her "Russian birch" – for her slender, lithe body."

As the gymnast tumbled, totally defying gravity and then continued on fluidly, as if there were no bones in her slender body, Payson sat totally engrossed in Polina's performance, forgetting to ask Sasha why exactly he was showing her the videos.

Yet another gymnast appeared on the screen.

"Sydney Olympics, Simona Amanar, Romania, 21 years old." – Sasha stated the facts Payson already knew. She remembered watching Simona perform live on TV – Payson was six at the time already doing gymnastics for a couple of years and enthralled with it.

"Svetlana Khorkina, Russia, 21 years old. Simona's team beat Svetlana's at those Olympics." – Sasha continued telling Payson what she already knew, so she managed to tear away from the screen and look at him.

"So why are we watching this odd assortment of videos?" – Payson finally asked. – "Those are all stunning performances, but what do they have in common?"

"The age of the gymnasts when they won Olympic medals." – Sasha replied seriously. – "Ranging from 30 to 21 years old."

"And?" – Payson asked, still not getting it.

"You'll be 22 in 2016, Payson." – Sasha went on. – "Female gymnasts age early – in terms of the sport – so it's very hard for a 22-year-old to beat younger girls. But not impossible."

"Wait, are you trying to tell me I can compete in 2016 as well as 2012?" – Payson asked, bewildered.

"Exactly. The reason why next to nobody competes at that age is that female body usually changes so much by then it results in a tremendous loss of skills. The women I showed you defied it. They went for it and they won. Sure enough, in Larissa and Polina's time it was not that uncommon – the elements were different, and the age of 20-something was not the end of gymnastics career. But Svetlana and Simona competed 11 years ago." – he looked meaningfully at Payson.

Payson sat awestruck. She desperately wanted to believe she could do what Sasha offered, but for ages she had been told she had just one shot at 2012. It was hard to wrap her head around a totally different concept for her future.

"I think you should give yourself four more years of gymnastics, Payson." – Sasha took her hand and looked at her earnestly. – "I wouldn't think it possible, like everybody else, but I seem to be the only one who noticed how well you coped with your body changes after your injury. That gave me an idea you could become one of those, who not only win, but make history. You might be the one who can go on at the age of 22 and still uphold your old level of skills. I'm not positive – your body might throw in a few surprises – but it's certainly worth a try if you're willing to. I have been considering offering it to you for a while. It's a big decision – think about it, don't rush." – Sasha fell silent, but didn't let go of her hand.

Payson looked him straight in the eyes. "You know, I never let myself think of what happens to my life after 2012. The thought of not being an elite athlete anymore, not having to train every waking hour of every day, not experiencing the thrill of competitions and the sweet taste of success – I can't bring myself to think of what I'll have left in my life without all that. When I got injured I started discovering there were other things in life, but now I'm back they all pale in comparison. And then there's you."

"I'll be at your side all the way if you want me." – Sasha added, his face unreadable.

"If you think it's possible and if you coach me to get me to 2016 Olympics – I'll do it. But you have to promise me." – Payson said firmly.

"Don't rush. Think about it. There's still plenty of time." – Sasha replied.

"No, you of all people should understand! There's nothing to think about. Gymnastics is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me – apart from meeting you. If you think there's even a tiny possibility that I might make it and if you'll go through it with me – I'm in." – Payson said. – "I trust you. And I trust myself. Even if I fail to get to the Olympics or fail to win anything – at least I'd know I tried and won't be wondering till the rest of my life what could have happened. Most of the elites quit at the peak of the career – so they never know. I shall."

Sasha sighed. "I don't want to force you into anything you'll regret later, so please do think. The decision has to be made after the London Olympics – until then …"

"Sasha, you know me!" – Payson interrupted. – "Gymnastics is my life! I wonder how I never thought of this myself!" – she jumped from the couch and started pacing around the room. – "Probably because everybody I knew kept telling me there was no way. I accepted it and never doubted it. But now I'm starting to! But you have to promise me you'll be with me, no matter what. That you'll never leave me as a coach, no matter what happens in our personal life. And please please except that I might get hurt again and it's not your fault. So promise." – Payson stopped in front of Sasha, looking at him expectantly.

"Promise. It won't be easy though. It's not easy now – especially after yesterday – at least for me." – Sasha took both her hands and squeezed them gently, looking up at her. – "Are you sure you don't need more time to think about it?"

"No. We'll try and see what happens. My only decision right now is not to stop training in a years' time. Not a big one and certainly not a hard one that takes much time to debate on. I don't know what happens next, but I like that decision! And having you as my coach for another four years. It won't be easy for sure – but it will get easier along the way – in all aspects." – Payson looked at Sasha meaningfully and squeezed his hands back.

"We have to tell my parents, though." – Payson said, cringing. – "I doubt they'll be happy to hear it."

"Happy to hear what?" – asked Kim in a fearful voice, appearing in the doorway with mugs of tea for Sasha and Payson and surveying the scene.


End file.
